Brought up on a haddock farm in Cheshire, his father (an expert in piscine husbandry) and mother (bred rocks) encouraged their son to pursue a musical career, if only to escape the smell of copulating fish. After travelling the country, he decided it wasn't going to get any better than Kidderminster, and so decided to hit things for a living. After a couple of years of experimentation he decided that drums made the best sound when hit, and didn't complain or hit back either.
After joining and leaving several bands (sometimes on the same day), due to 'musical differences', Bongo met Dirty Slap Keister in the mosh pit of a Phillip Glass concert being held in a disused slurry pit. In the hospital afterwards, they formed the philosophy of Keisterism and decided to spread the word.